Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
