it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
