I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
