Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
