I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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