Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
