There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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