I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
