At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My hand turned me down
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
