I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
