I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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