What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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