It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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