I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
