just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
