i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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