Me. At least after what I've been through.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
