is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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