ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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