If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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