You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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