you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
ugly people sure do ruin things
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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