Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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