Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
