apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
