Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
