If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i used baking grease as lip gloss
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
