why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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