i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
