I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
