I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
