the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
