I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
