I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
