Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Welp...herpes.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
