that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
