If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
