Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
