I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
