i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
