somebody snuck up and got me drunk
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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