I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
