I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I am one with the molecules
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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