We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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