Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
