I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
