Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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