Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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