you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
