You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
